Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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