My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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