I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
