as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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