This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just pee around me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
