Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
