i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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