I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
