So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
