you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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