I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.