If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize