i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
