My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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