you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My vagina is officially offended.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
