I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
