so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
