Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just googled if crying burns calories
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
