Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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