Don't you send me to vm
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
