Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
