i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
