I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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