...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
