Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My sheets look like a crime scene.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
