Texts From Last Night

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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.

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  (484): I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid. http://tfl.nu/8dyc
  Replies (23) Good night (3946) Bad night (656)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  he said i'm too pretty to suck penis

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  (336): he said i'm too pretty to suck penis http://tfl.nu/wzvb
  Replies (99) Good night (13759) Bad night (1701)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?

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  (215): I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months? http://tfl.nu/2j7i
  Replies (7) Good night (610) Bad night (3857)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.

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  (410): There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you. http://tfl.nu/a558
  Replies (9) Good night (4964) Bad night (1294)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera

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  (716): Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera http://tfl.nu/ouai
  Replies (10) Good night (2774) Bad night (1063)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.

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  (604): I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune. http://tfl.nu/081q
  Replies (6) Good night (1077) Bad night (481)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.

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  (570): Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least. http://tfl.nu/etpi
  Replies (2) Good night (1798) Bad night (502)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro

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  (330): It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro http://tfl.nu/tuhp
  Replies (9) Good night (1537) Bad night (466)
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  (441): View more from Bermuda-Carib

  You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.

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  (441): You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only. http://tfl.nu/b5c7
  Replies (2) Good night (1755) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free

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  (520): I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high. (520): Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free http://tfl.nu/tueu
  Replies (2) Good night (1209) Bad night (392)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done

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  (405): I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done http://tfl.nu/3aup
  Replies (5) Good night (884) Bad night (420)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll be there in a few.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'M COUNTING TO FEW.

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  (814): I'll be there in a few. (717): I'M COUNTING TO FEW. http://tfl.nu/nvfq
  Replies (5) Good night (926) Bad night (241)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.

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  (828): If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong. http://tfl.nu/ed76
  Replies (9) Good night (1089) Bad night (268)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  You pretty much did tho

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  (248): Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum (1-248): You pretty much did tho http://tfl.nu/fp9x
  Replies (1) Good night (695) Bad night (195)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD

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  (315): My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD http://tfl.nu/z1nh
  Replies (10) Good night (1472) Bad night (401)

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