I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL