And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
