Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?

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  (810): Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses? http://tfl.nu/v432
  Replies (11) Good night (1010) Bad night (725)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar

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  (516): I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar http://tfl.nu/ulgt
  Replies (27) Good night (2848) Bad night (478)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.

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  (405): I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat. http://tfl.nu/2u5h
  Replies (17) Good night (2494) Bad night (922)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.

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  (859): I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me. http://tfl.nu/euxr
  Replies (66) Good night (1334) Bad night (24220)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"

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  (708): Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex" http://tfl.nu/sy7y
  Replies (42) Good night (1387) Bad night (14506)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  the part where you beat me to him

  (410): View more from Maryland

  fair enough.

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  (410): what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?! (1-410): the part where you beat me to him (410): fair enough. http://tfl.nu/4y3l
  Replies (18) Good night (7649) Bad night (1105)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.

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  (402): Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then. http://tfl.nu/941i
  Replies (24) Good night (5034) Bad night (1109)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...

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  (651): Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying... http://tfl.nu/qpg3
  Replies (9) Good night (3121) Bad night (881)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.

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  (617): Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't. http://tfl.nu/avqq
  Replies (5) Good night (2626) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is

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  (248): I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is http://tfl.nu/r4l9
  Replies (9) Good night (4301) Bad night (772)
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  (818): View more from California

  I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.

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  (818): I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. http://tfl.nu/hxik
  Replies (10) Good night (940) Bad night (1632)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.

  (760): View more from California

  You're High aren't you?

  (858): View more from California

  Sooooo high

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  (858): WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service. (760): You're High aren't you? (858): Sooooo high http://tfl.nu/byvy
  Replies (11) Good night (3106) Bad night (603)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.

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  (606): I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail. http://tfl.nu/b2ml
  Replies (11) Good night (469) Bad night (4057)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I told you those kegels would come in handy one day

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  (303): If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina (401): I told you those kegels would come in handy one day http://tfl.nu/ed4f
  Replies (22) Good night (2328) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.

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  (214): I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up. http://tfl.nu/xu3y
  Replies (2) Good night (1128) Bad night (607)

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