Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?

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  (440): Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it? (1-440): because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even? http://tfl.nu/6ni1
  Replies (20) Good night (5404) Bad night (586)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..

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  (586): Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away.. http://tfl.nu/t5um
  Replies (22) Good night (3069) Bad night (1201)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to

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  (267): If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to http://tfl.nu/tvy7
  Replies (59) Good night (4961) Bad night (1279)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt

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  (609): i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt http://tfl.nu/t4r8
  Replies (25) Good night (12268) Bad night (1515)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.

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  (712): Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be. http://tfl.nu/n7rl
  Replies (8) Good night (6092) Bad night (1108)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.

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  (217): The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time. http://tfl.nu/mdb9
  Replies (105) Good night (1443) Bad night (6442)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?

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  (219): How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year? http://tfl.nu/u8i3
  Replies (10) Good night (2614) Bad night (649)
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.

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  (339): Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys. http://tfl.nu/p4yk
  Replies (20) Good night (6226) Bad night (924)
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  (209): View more from California

  Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing

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  (209): Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing http://tfl.nu/4pbh
  Replies (10) Good night (1448) Bad night (797)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.

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  (920): He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast. http://tfl.nu/jvhf
  Replies (5) Good night (707) Bad night (384)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.

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  (563): Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up. http://tfl.nu/xba5
  Replies (0) Good night (424) Bad night (806)
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  (916): View more from California

  Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.

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  (916): Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though. http://tfl.nu/db3p
  Replies (15) Good night (403) Bad night (1592)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?

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  (479): Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends? http://tfl.nu/q9dz
  Replies (2) Good night (430) Bad night (620)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.

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  (703): Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me. http://tfl.nu/2cms
  Replies (3) Good night (620) Bad night (280)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.

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  (630): His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up. http://tfl.nu/1y0y
  Replies (3) Good night (620) Bad night (391)

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