No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
