I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
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I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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