apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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