remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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