I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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