i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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