Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
