I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
