I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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