You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
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1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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