Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
