what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
