I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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