She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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