Dude my mom stole all your condoms
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
