i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
