I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
