A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
