just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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