It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
