miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
