The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
please come you make the beer taste better
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
