at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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