He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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