i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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