she's into porn, im staying here tonight
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
