I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
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he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
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You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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