I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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