If i come over, it means nothing
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
