I skipped work to stalk him.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
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Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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