dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
