im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
