Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
