i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
