I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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