I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
