you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
