I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I accidentally burped into my bong.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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