I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
