I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
