Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
