porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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