gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
