I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
