The maid of honor just puked.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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