Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
